biotictrash:

Kaidan thinks about the ring in his footlocker more than he cares to admit. He feels it burning at him sometimes – like a strangely romantic game of hot potato.

Give it to her, part of him nags. Another tells him to wait. He’s been planning the moment for weeks now, and the comfort of her saying yes, of knowing there’s a future for them, that one day they won’t have to hide their feelings anymore. He thinks he should feel more hesitation, or question if she really is the one, and how the hell could he know so fast? He wonders if he’s hit an age where he now just knows when someone feels like a perfect compliment to him.

He thinks about it in small moments alone with her – like right now – as she lays in his arms, blankets tangled around her, and crimson hair spread out against her pillows. He runs his hand up and down her back as her breathing grows heavier. She strokes her hand across his chest, fingers brushing the dark hairs on his skin.

“I’ve never been to Vancouver before,” she says, half asleep. “Good food?”

Kaidan laughs and tugs her closer. “Yes.”

“Good. I’m over ship rations.”

“Me too. A steak would be great right about now.”

Shepard turns over and presses him to his back. She sheds the covers around her body and sits on top of him with one leg on either side of his body. His hands come to her waist, thumbs brushing against her freckled skin, finding the natural curves of her body.

“And your parents will like me?” she asks, a shade of hesitation in her voice. 

He knows the galaxy sees Shepard as a larger than life figure, someone unstoppable, who isn’t afraid of anything. But he knows that’s not true. Shepard’s scared of plenty, and she only says it in moments alone, with the fear that it’ll finally be too much for him to take. She’s beautiful and strong, but full of horror stories he can’t imagine living through. Sometimes nightmares of Mindoir or Akuze wake her up in tears, desperate for him to remind her that she’s alive, that he’d never let anything happen to her. Other times, it’ll be things he can’t so easily talk her down from. He can remind her that he’s not like the last person to to be with her, let her know her worth, and that no part of her past can make him stop loving her.

“They’ll love you.”

“Okay.”  

Kaidan imagines bringing her home, introducing her to his parents. He’s thought about what it’ll be like – bringing home the one to mom and dad. He didn’t imagine it’d be his CO, but he at least knows not to run away from true love when it’s right in front of him. Maybe a few months is a short time to know someone, and a month of “dating” is too short to know if he wants to marry her, but he thinks of a future without her, and all it looks like is an endless void. Something where he’s constantly searching for someone to live up to her.

“And I have so many things I want to do with you. Places I grew up, old memories, hidden gems… surprises.”

“Surprises?” she teases.

“Always full of ‘em.”

“Maybe I have a few of my own for you too,” she says, and it’s not her usual teasing tone, but something that feels like a confession. Maybe one she’s nervous about. He slides his hands over hers, and gives them a squeeze.

“Or you could tell me now?”

Shepard swallows, and thinks about the idea. He sees her contemplating, wanting to spit something out, but instead she shakes her head. Maybe whatever it is is best left for when other exciting things are coming to light.

“Two weeks, and then we’re done here. Just us. All our surprises, and the rest of our future together,” he says.

Shepard smiles and nods. “I like the sound of that.”

“Uh, Commander?” Joker says over the comms. “I think we’re going to need you up on the bridge. We’re tracking some kind of unknown enemy in the area.”

“What’s our location, Joker?”

“Just over Alchera.”

Shepard climbs off Kaidan, and reaches for her clothes where they’re strewn about on the floor. She slides on her uniform and tucks the shirt into her pants, and returns to the side of the bed. She presses a kiss to the top of Kaidan’s head, and he pulls her closer. She tilts her chin down and kisses him again. Then, the ship rocks violently. Shepard grips the wall, and looks back to Kaidan. Fear courses through her expression for a moment, but she snaps out of it, and becomes the Commander again.

“I’ll be back, okay?”

Kaidan nods, and alarms begin to sound around the Normandy. And in the middle of the chaos, of the potential danger and death around them, he finds himself thinking about the ring again. And all he can do is say a silent prayer to someone that no matter what happens, he hopes he has the chance to give it to her.